I have almost no religious discipline whatsoever. Although I grew up in the church, sang in the church choir and I was even saved and baptized before participating in communion, I have always been confused about God.
The man who I've always known as my father was a "praise Jesus, ask no questions, just have faith", strict, Southern Baptist. That meant church every Sunday, prayers before bedtime, etc. There was a God in Heaven who was your creator, and Jesus was your salvation. End of story. There wasn't much room for questioning faith, and why we worshiped how we did. We just, did.
My mother, on the other hand, had grown up Episcopalian. Episcopalian is like, "Diet Catholic", or "Catholic Light", just to sum it up. While she was married to my dad she went along with the whole Baptist idea of God, but when they divorced she wanted to go right back to the Episcopal church. Naturally, being a seven year old, I had a ton of questions of what this meant. I wanted to know why, if there was only one God and one Jesus, was it necessary for there to be so many different types of churches in which to worship Him. I remember my mother finally telling me that there are different types of Christianity, and that although they worship differently, they still worship God, and they worship Jesus and that as long as you had faith in God and Jesus and accepted them into your heart, you will get into Heaven. Meaning, as long as you're Christian, it did not matter how you worshiped.
For a long time, I just blindly accepted that Christianity was the only faith. Any questions I had were usually met with, "It's just God's will," or "God works in mysterious ways." After some time, though, those particular answers didn't cut it any more.
When I was twelve, for reasons I wish to remain private, I decided that I hated God, and God hated me, and I made the conscious decision to turn my back on Him, and turned elsewhere for the peace, answers and belonging my desperate, pubescent mind felt it needed.
I found solace in the whole "Wicca thing" during my angry, rage-y teen years. Wicca brought me peace of mind at the time, and secretly doing it behind my mother's back brought me some sort of sick satisfaction. It also felt like I was hurting God as much as I felt He had hurt me, and that was what really mattered.
Now that I am an adult, I realize how silly the whole thing was. I also realized that my faith, although shaken, had never fully left. My dear friend, Sara, pointed out that I obviously still had faith, or I wouldn't hate Him so much. She had a great point, and ever since I had been wanting and searching for ways to rebuild my relationship with God. Thing is, there are a zillion ways to go about that. Which one is the right way? There is Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. They are almost all the same religion, give or take a few things. It reminds me of being in an ice cream shop. There are so many different flavors of what is basically the same thing, so how do you choose which is right for you, or as Sara says, keeps you from burning in Hell for eternity?
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
What is an apathist?
Well I call my husband an apathist... here is why. "When I think about heaven or hell, what happens when you die, or what happened before you existed, I just can't bring myself to care"-Stephen. No amount of him going to church has changed his mind, nor has the birth of our children. He stopped believing in anything when he was 8, because he found out santa didn't exist. He says if santa was a lie, then his parents were probably lying about that too. This is why I didn't want to tell my children that santa was real.
He is NOT an Atheist, he doesn't care if God doesn't exist, you have to have faith to be an Atheist, faith that God isn't real. I will be asking for his opinion from time to time, seeing as he will have a different perspective. He comes up with some real winners sometimes. I love him, and since I am Christian I hope that eventually he will believe like I do, but I respect that he feels the way he does.
He is NOT an Atheist, he doesn't care if God doesn't exist, you have to have faith to be an Atheist, faith that God isn't real. I will be asking for his opinion from time to time, seeing as he will have a different perspective. He comes up with some real winners sometimes. I love him, and since I am Christian I hope that eventually he will believe like I do, but I respect that he feels the way he does.
Meet the Writers- Sara
The history of my own personal faith is a long one. I was raised Southern Baptist. I accepted Christ in my heart when I was 5, I was Baptized when I was 8. The minister of my church was an intelligent, kind man. He once said to read the Bible, pray, study, and to form my own opinions. I took this to heart.
When I was 9 my parents divorced and I started having some anger towards God, I continued to attend church, but the anger grew. When I turned 16 the anger blossomed into full on rebellion. At 18 I became friends with my husband Stephen. At 20 we decided to get married. A few months later my best friend was in a car crash, she lost the daughter she was pregnant with, and she lost her ability to have children. I found out I was pregnant in May of '05. Me and Stephen were married on July 30th of '05, by my childhood minister, nothing could have made me happier. My daughter was born in January of '06.
Unfortunately I was still in rebellion mode, and by the time my son was born in December of 2010 I had become someone I didn't much care for. Even worse I had set a bad example for my daughter. The one thing I didn't lose during my rebellion was my love of prayer. I love to talk to God, and no I don't always ask for things, I don't always close my eyes, and I don't do it on bended knee, but after my son was born I asked for guidance, and help in becoming a better person. I kept my eyes and heart open to signs from up above.
I started going back to church a few months ago. The first sermon really kicked my butt, it was about being a good example for your child and teaching them about God and Jesus. Wow had I failed, but I saw clearly that God wanted me and my kids in church. Every sermon after that seemed to be for just me. Being happy with what you have, being kind to your enemies, doubting that anything is possible with God. It was amazing how the sermons came just as I needed them. I also found out that the friend of mine who lost her child, and her ability to have more... she had a daughter. I was so full of joy that day, I hadn't talked to her in years, but still that information found me. I had thought of her often, and it would always leave me so sad. I saw in that a sign from God, that he had heard all my prayers, and he cared.
In October of this year I found out a friend of mine was converting to a religion I knew nothing about. Sadly my first though was how sad it was that now she was going to go to Hell. Then I realized that I should think about it before I came to that conclusion, and some people may not like that, but I had questions, so many questions.
I set out to read all I could about my friends new faith. I let another friend of mine (Allie) know what was going on. I told her I had questions, and that it was a really scary time for me. I have always been better able to think about things when I put them on paper (or computer), and she came up with a grand idea. We would research, visit churches, and talk to the people of other religions. We decided to go about it as if we were completely unbiased, at least we would try. I don't want to anger anyone, or make anyone I know scared for me. I am not doubting God, I just need answers to these questions.
When I was 9 my parents divorced and I started having some anger towards God, I continued to attend church, but the anger grew. When I turned 16 the anger blossomed into full on rebellion. At 18 I became friends with my husband Stephen. At 20 we decided to get married. A few months later my best friend was in a car crash, she lost the daughter she was pregnant with, and she lost her ability to have children. I found out I was pregnant in May of '05. Me and Stephen were married on July 30th of '05, by my childhood minister, nothing could have made me happier. My daughter was born in January of '06.
Unfortunately I was still in rebellion mode, and by the time my son was born in December of 2010 I had become someone I didn't much care for. Even worse I had set a bad example for my daughter. The one thing I didn't lose during my rebellion was my love of prayer. I love to talk to God, and no I don't always ask for things, I don't always close my eyes, and I don't do it on bended knee, but after my son was born I asked for guidance, and help in becoming a better person. I kept my eyes and heart open to signs from up above.
I started going back to church a few months ago. The first sermon really kicked my butt, it was about being a good example for your child and teaching them about God and Jesus. Wow had I failed, but I saw clearly that God wanted me and my kids in church. Every sermon after that seemed to be for just me. Being happy with what you have, being kind to your enemies, doubting that anything is possible with God. It was amazing how the sermons came just as I needed them. I also found out that the friend of mine who lost her child, and her ability to have more... she had a daughter. I was so full of joy that day, I hadn't talked to her in years, but still that information found me. I had thought of her often, and it would always leave me so sad. I saw in that a sign from God, that he had heard all my prayers, and he cared.
In October of this year I found out a friend of mine was converting to a religion I knew nothing about. Sadly my first though was how sad it was that now she was going to go to Hell. Then I realized that I should think about it before I came to that conclusion, and some people may not like that, but I had questions, so many questions.
I set out to read all I could about my friends new faith. I let another friend of mine (Allie) know what was going on. I told her I had questions, and that it was a really scary time for me. I have always been better able to think about things when I put them on paper (or computer), and she came up with a grand idea. We would research, visit churches, and talk to the people of other religions. We decided to go about it as if we were completely unbiased, at least we would try. I don't want to anger anyone, or make anyone I know scared for me. I am not doubting God, I just need answers to these questions.
Why are we doing this?
We wanted to start a blog about religions mainly to learn, but also to inform others. We wanted to answer some questions, but also try and get rid of some of the bigotry, ignorance, and all out right hate we had experienced. It is hard to ask questions of any religion, some see it as intrusive, others only try to push their beliefs on you. Some also seem to think that by asking questions you are saying you doubt their religion.
It is impossible to answer these questions without experiencing it ourselves. So we will go to different churches, talk to different people, read holy books, and what we can't find in real life, we will research. This is all our own point of view, we will try to be as unbiased as possible.
We don't ever mean to offend, but I'm sure that we sometimes will, especially Allie. We want to be honest and show kindness and consideration to all beliefs. Any slurs, bad words, or hateful language we use will just be to make a point, we don't mean it or believe it. We both share a pretty askew since of humor, so be warned.
It is impossible to answer these questions without experiencing it ourselves. So we will go to different churches, talk to different people, read holy books, and what we can't find in real life, we will research. This is all our own point of view, we will try to be as unbiased as possible.
We don't ever mean to offend, but I'm sure that we sometimes will, especially Allie. We want to be honest and show kindness and consideration to all beliefs. Any slurs, bad words, or hateful language we use will just be to make a point, we don't mean it or believe it. We both share a pretty askew since of humor, so be warned.
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