Why I stopped going to church

     I tell people it's my schedule, fact is that's a half truth, which means it's a lie. So I apologize to everyone at my church for saying it. Here is the truth, I was mad at a sermon. This may seem petty and shallow, but after having to comfort my sobbing child after what she heard in a sermon, I just couldn't listen anymore.
     It was a few months ago, I had been going pretty regularly (this is before I had my job, my schedule really does prevent most church attendance). The preacher was preaching on families. He said a few words about equal marriage rights, I thought, I don't agree, but hey, he is allowed his opinion, I don't have to agree. Then he went on, he started talking about what a family should be. I prayed right then, please take a different path, please just SHUT-UP. I thought, why don't we have a children's church... because I knew where he was going.
     See, most people in my church are Christians, married to other Christians, who home school their wonderful Christian kids. They are right wing, they are in the middle class, they are the social norm in our church. Not to say anything negative, I love the people there, they are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I feel safe among them. Some of them are my friends on Face Book, they know my stance on things. Have I ever gotten one disparaging remark, no, they are the best of the Christian community, and have cemented my love of Christ, I can't say enough good things about them.
     They aren't like me in one important way though, our upbringings, our families are very different. Yes, I am unequally yoked to an Atheist, yes I am liberal in my social issues. I don't home school, we are poor, and both me and my husband come from a shady past. On this Sunday the pastor said that a home should be two Christian parents. My daughter perked up, she knows Stephen isn't Christian. He said some more on the subject, I watched her. He said non-believers went to Hell, I watched as her face fell, and tears sprang to her eyes. He said the best home is one with a Christian mother and father. She whispered something to Grandma... and that was it for me, I was angry.
    So what if it's true, does my 6 year old need to hear that her Father is going to Hell, or that her parents made a mistake in getting married. Anything else the pastor had said was now washed away by my daughter's tears, and all I could hear was this sermon.
     We discussed it later. So I read to her out of Corinthians

1Corinthians 7:12-14     
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

    She had a ton of questions, we talked for a long time, at the end of it she wasn't much better. I understand that adults can deal with things like that, but she is all but a baby, why couldn't the man have just left that part out. I'm not sure how people will feel after they read this, but the fact is, until my daughter is old enough to deal with such painful things, I can not let her hear things that will wreck her. Things that teach her fear instead of love, hurt instead of hope. We should rejoice in faith, not be sad.
     I hope in the future I get up enough courage to say all this to my pastor. I feel he is a kind man, and will try to be understanding, but part of me thinks he will laugh at me... Silly heretic, of course your daughter needs to hear her Daddy is going to Hell. I really miss my church friends, and hope I can get over this fear soon. I still wouldn't be able to make it every Sunday, but at least I wouldn't be scared to go.

If you don't like it stop reading

     At 6 am this morning I realized no sleep was coming to me. Andrew had been awake off and on with his awful cough (I can't believe he is almost a year old). Kaitlyn was asleep in our bed, constantly contorting into a position that allowed her to kick me in the head no matter how many times I righted her... and I got to thinking. Thinking about my kids, and the future of their world.
     I read an essay today that really moved me, it is by a man named Qasim Rashid, a man who truly has my respect... please don't continue with my blog until you have read the link.
     http://thisibelieve.org/essay/84654/
     What I didn't know before I started this whole blog thing is that there are 4 types of Muslims, kind of like Catholic vs. Baptist vs. Church of Christ. There is the Sunni comprising somewhere around 80% of Muslims. The Shi'a... about 10% of Muslims. The Sufi, which are like a mystic movement in the Muslim community, like the Kabbalah and Judaism. There are also the Amadiyya Muslims, their motto seems to be Peace for All, Hate for None. Unfortunately they suffer great persecution because in their home of Pakistan they aren't considered 'real' Muslims. These are the basic basics as I understand them. I think it must sometimes be sad to be one of the Amadiyya Muslims though, persecuted in your home country, and in America where people lump you in with the terrorist set, especially if your skin happens to be brown.
     When I grew up I was sheltered from most of the hate in the world, and I am thankful for this. It is hard however to go to sleep as a child in a accepting, hopeful, loving country, and to wake as an adult in the bigoted, hateful, scared place America has become. It hurts me because I love this country so much.
     There is hope out there though, hope that our next set of leaders will be led by God, and not just use him as another stepping stone to get into office. Hope that more people like the man who wrote that essay are out there, writing, and praying, to whatever God they believe in, and in whatever way they believe they should. Praying that the pen really is mightier than the sword.
     I hope my children wake up as adults in a world where the government doesn't make all our decisions for us, like who should be allowed to get married. Into a country where your skin color doesn't matter, after all how long have we been fighting that same battle. I'm scared that the return to extreme racism is right around the corner, the difference will be the skin pigmentation of the people drinking out of the 'colored' water fountain. A segregation of religion along with color may be coming.
     I am no one, I never have been, I try to be a good person, but I don't even give that 100% of the time. It seems to me though that the meaning of having good morals has been lost, and that other Christians are reading a different Bible than I am, because we have been showing people our worst side. Why would people want to be Christian when we show them alcoholism, drug use, promiscuity, hatefulness, bigotry, pride, and a number of other sins.
     In this country fear mongering has taken the place of kindness and hope. I don't want to sit in a drum circle and sing Kumbaya, but I'm worried that if this crap continues one day my kids will wake up in a place where people are having to hide behind bookcases in secret rooms like Anne Frank.

                                                   First they came for the communists,

                                                     and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

                                                                   Then they came for the trade unionists,
                                                   and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

                                                                       Then they came for the Jews,
                                                     and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

                                                                           Then they came for me
                                                            and there was no one left to speak out for me.

This is a famous statement made during the Nazi rise to power, and it still speaks volumes. Christian persecution (even by other Christians) is just a blink away, and if we don't stand up for others, then why would they ever stand up for us...


                                                                                                                                                           Sara