Friday, October 26, 2012

Faith Confusion

      So anyone who reads this blog knows I have been on a kind of spiritual journey over the past 2 years. It has been a hard one, on one hand I have met with resistance, disappointment, and anger from some, but others, others have been kind, and surprised me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I have made friends, and gained a confidence I never knew I could have.
   
A needed apology

   To those who think I have been hard on the others of my faith, or hateful to people. It was never my intent to upset anyone. If you know me, you know my humor can be cutting, and mean, but I really don't like to actually hurt feelings, or make people feel bad. My philosophy has always been to try and treat others the way I would want to be treated, but I fail frequently, and I am sorry for that. I guess the reason I have been harder on my own faith, is that I was struggling to understand it, to grow in it. The best way for me to do that is to exercise my doubt, and I have been shown that this comes off as harsh. I am so thankful that my Christian friends have stuck through this with me, they have kindly reprimanded and help me see the good in our religion. My family has been a huge part of this, though they have been confused by my actions they have stuck by me, and I love them even more for it. I am also thankful for my non-Christian friends, who remain my friends even though our ideas on God (or a lack of one) are very different.

Things I don't apologize for

      Just because I am sorry for the way I have bothered people with this, doesn't mean I'm not strong in my conclusions.
     Yes I believe in marriage equality, I don't believe this effects my salvation in any way. I don't approve of using my faith to legislate the morality of others, I feel that it's not only a sin to force my faith on others, but also a crime of the worst kind. I do not have any hate for those who don't believe the same as me on that issue, but my anger lies in the lack of trying to understand why I may feel the way I do. I am passionate about this, and my posts, blogs, and attitudes will continue to reflect this. If it bothers you hide my posts, and ask me not to discuss it with you, I will respect that. Just for the record I am not gay :).
      I believe in abortion, birth control, and In-Vitro. I don't think God has anything against modern medicine, that's really all that needs to be said about In-Vitro.  I am not Catholic, but the quiverfull lifestyle is becoming more and more common in our church. Much respect for those who live it, that is your choice, just as it is mine not to. Don't tell me all good Christians home school, because it isn't true. Some good Christian women have to work, either out of necessity or desire, and some have no desire to home school. I am a terrible teacher, teaching wasn't a gift God gave me, so my kids go to school. Sometimes I wish I could home school, but it isn't going to happen. I also believe birth control is a good way to control family size. It doesn't cause miscarriages, it stops ovulation. IUD's are the only form that stops implantation or fertilization. I don't use one because of my beliefs, but it's MY belief, not to be put on someone else. Abortion is a sad subject, do I think life begins at fertilization? maybe, I personally believe it begins at implantation when it starts to grow, 1/4 of all pregnancies end before implantation, that's why I believe that's the point of life, but once again that's just me. I believe taking abortion rights away would not stop abortion, it would just add to the number of dead pregnant women. Outlawing sin doesn't make it go away, that is a proven fact. I also can not begin to comprehend being pregnant due to rape, therefore I can't say anything about it. I do believe that abortions shouldn't be allowed after the point of viability, unless in the cases of severe deformity.
       I am not a republican... I'm not a democrat either. I don't believe the republican party best embodies my values. I try to keep faith out of it, but even if I didn't, I still don't think they embody my Christian values. I hate being told to change my vote, give me a good argument and I will listen, but don't tell me to change and give no reasons.

     To rap it up I hope that I can be forgiven for any anger you have felt from me. I hope you will feel free to discus, or not discuss, my opinions with me. I will respect you either way. I will listen to criticism with an open mind and heart. I may not change, but know that I will pray over it, think about it, and research it. Even if I debate, I am listening...

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