The history of my own personal faith is a long one. I was raised Southern Baptist. I accepted Christ in my heart when I was 5, I was Baptized when I was 8. The minister of my church was an intelligent, kind man. He once said to read the Bible, pray, study, and to form my own opinions. I took this to heart.
When I was 9 my parents divorced and I started having some anger towards God, I continued to attend church, but the anger grew. When I turned 16 the anger blossomed into full on rebellion. At 18 I became friends with my husband Stephen. At 20 we decided to get married. A few months later my best friend was in a car crash, she lost the daughter she was pregnant with, and she lost her ability to have children. I found out I was pregnant in May of '05. Me and Stephen were married on July 30th of '05, by my childhood minister, nothing could have made me happier. My daughter was born in January of '06.
Unfortunately I was still in rebellion mode, and by the time my son was born in December of 2010 I had become someone I didn't much care for. Even worse I had set a bad example for my daughter. The one thing I didn't lose during my rebellion was my love of prayer. I love to talk to God, and no I don't always ask for things, I don't always close my eyes, and I don't do it on bended knee, but after my son was born I asked for guidance, and help in becoming a better person. I kept my eyes and heart open to signs from up above.
I started going back to church a few months ago. The first sermon really kicked my butt, it was about being a good example for your child and teaching them about God and Jesus. Wow had I failed, but I saw clearly that God wanted me and my kids in church. Every sermon after that seemed to be for just me. Being happy with what you have, being kind to your enemies, doubting that anything is possible with God. It was amazing how the sermons came just as I needed them. I also found out that the friend of mine who lost her child, and her ability to have more... she had a daughter. I was so full of joy that day, I hadn't talked to her in years, but still that information found me. I had thought of her often, and it would always leave me so sad. I saw in that a sign from God, that he had heard all my prayers, and he cared.
In October of this year I found out a friend of mine was converting to a religion I knew nothing about. Sadly my first though was how sad it was that now she was going to go to Hell. Then I realized that I should think about it before I came to that conclusion, and some people may not like that, but I had questions, so many questions.
I set out to read all I could about my friends new faith. I let another friend of mine (Allie) know what was going on. I told her I had questions, and that it was a really scary time for me. I have always been better able to think about things when I put them on paper (or computer), and she came up with a grand idea. We would research, visit churches, and talk to the people of other religions. We decided to go about it as if we were completely unbiased, at least we would try. I don't want to anger anyone, or make anyone I know scared for me. I am not doubting God, I just need answers to these questions.
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